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In less enlightened times, there were various ways to punish naughty children throughout the Christmas season. Maybe they would be beaten with a wooden switch by the Christmas demon Krampus, or attacked by Jólakötturinn, the Icelandic Yule Cat, or given a lump of coal, or simply told that the Elf on a Shelf is surveilling their every move. But if you’re into, um, inflicting horrifying punishments along with your holly jolly, we have a new idea for you: Rotisserie chicken candy canes. Or, mac and cheese candy canes.

See, they look like they could be another one of those tutti-frutti alternate flavor candy canes — maybe caramel flavor for the former, lemon for the latter. Except for the taste. Oh, the taste. I can only describe it as canned chicken meets mint meets sugar meets Satan. For the mac and cheese flavor, the smell is the worst part: A mixture of Parmesan cheese and sweaty gym socks.

These candy canes are the work of Archie McPhee (yes, the same people who made that gravy candy), and since they’re marketed as gag gifts, they’re not supposed to taste good, exactly. There are other flavors: Bacon, which has a sweet-and-smoky flavor that’s not unfamiliar, after the popularity of bacon-topped doughnuts; and pickle, with a minty, herbaceous flavor (pickle desserts sound like they’re bad, but they’re not! I swear.) There is also something called “clamdy canes,” which we didn’t try, because: No.

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There are plenty of alt-candy canes that are good. Starburst candy canes are a longtime favorite. We liked Oreo’s candy canes — but, careful, they’ll turn your mouth black. There are candy canes flavored like coffee and root beer and Dr Pepper. And there’s nothing wrong with classic peppermint. There’s a reason it’s been a favorite for all these years.

But if you’re looking for an alternative to coal in a stocking, or just want to prank someone, chicken and cheese candy canes may be worth a try — though it’s likely that the distinct aroma will tip off your intended mark. If you manage to pull it off, may Santa Claus have mercy on your soul.

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